Ask Mama Sage Yurownself!  Mama Sage I went to the deli and thar in behind the glass counter was a "4 bean salad". Well it must have been a lie as there was thousands of beans in that salad....What gives Yers truly Moosejaw Dear Moosejaw, It is a little knowed law thet salads containin beans must rated accordin ta thar explusive gas potenteeal. The higher the count the more deadly the gas. Four bean salad is plenty dangerous, but falls way short of say, a poo-tron bomb. Mama MaMa. We just inherited my uncles old horse. and we tryed to shoe it with new shoes. Not thinking we got left side of horse & Horse shoes facing one direction, and the right side of horses shoes facing the other direction. This is, as you are looking at the tail end of the horse . (South end of the horse as you face North) What way is right ? The horse doesnt seem to mind except he will only walk in a circle. Which is okay cause we do not have a fenced in yard. However he is wearing a wide circle in the grass.We really wanted a horse that would kind of go in a stright line, (On occassions ) Any infor would be greatly appreciated. Metal Man Metal Man, On mys own 'puter hyar I gots a undo button thet works on jes bout everthang but thes hyar Wire. Sumtimes life thangs wurk best whan ya jes undo. Than agin, thars always them people thet feel what's done is done an thet thar ponies gotta go inna strait line. What's ya gots ta do Metal Man is go get the coil sprangs offn a pick-up truck. Ya kin git em at a junkyard or offen one in yur neighbors yard. (ask im furst). Then spot weld the springs ta the horse shoes. The horse might be a little wobbley at furst so givem time ta git used ta it. Not only will this horse run faster then he ever did, but he'll jump higher. Jes one wurd a caution. Don' try ta turn none too fas'. Mama Sage MaMa. Not so good a idea. Grounded horse to weld springs to horses horse shoes. Horses tail is got a good ground to hook one cable to. Horse is laying on back with feet up in the air. and he has this glazed look in his eyes. I'm wondering if he's okay ? or if I sould wait and see if he's just horsing around with me. ? I did finish welding the springs to his other feet. If I could just get him turned right side up. I think he would be okay. I'm thinking he'll come too. and be okay, ? don't you think ? Have you ever had that problem welding springs to horses steel shoes before ? "O" Horse #*@%#*. THE S.P.C.A . just pulled in the driveway. I hope they don't notice this upside down horse. I'll get back to you later. Metal Man Metal Man, Furst read the fine print: Neither Mama Sage nor Mama Sage industries are responsible for any actions taken by people who shoe horses the wrong way including but not limited to dead or semi dead horses and actions of SPCA or any other special interest groups, law enforcement agency or any other cockamamy idea ya kin think of. Now most people woulda used a asettlin torch, but now thet ya gone an used an arc welder ya might be able ta reverse the polarity an jump start im off'n yur truck. Iffn thet don' wurk, ya kin try mouth ta horse ressustashun makin sure yur lips completely surround the horse's lips. Blow real hard. Count ta five an blow real hard agin. Repeat till ya need horse ta mouth yurownself. If thet don' work try CPR. Iffn thet don' work read the fine print. Mama Sage MaMa Sarge. Your electrical under wear garments. Are they 110V or 220 V ? Single or 3 phase ? Would I become more quick if I used the higher voltage underwear ? Would my scores be higher ? how long is the lead cord in your higher voltage underwear.? does it have the usual trapdoor in the rear ?Does it have a thermostat. ? Does it have a compartment for keeping my -Projecticles warm ? I also need the adaptor for my hands. Or should I just keep my hands in the projectable compartment between stages in the cold winter here in Ohio. I have been warned by the Range officer, to keep my hands out of my pockets in cold weather. I was D.,Q'ed once for playing pocket pool and violating the 170 degree arch.. Any information on your new electrical under garments would be greatly appreciated. Metal Man, I'm glad ya dun askt. Mama Sage's Lectrical Underwhars represent the lateliest in scientifical researches. Its a fool lenth long john complete with one of them thar trap doors fur all yur personals. Mama Sage's Lectrical Underwhars kin reach up ta 212 degrees an re controll'd with a simple flick of the wrist liken ta cockin a six shooter ta rise the heat and pullin down on the inner thigh ta lower the heat. Thars two model of Mama Sage's Lectrical Underwhars: the Model I and the Model II. Thar taint no differants tatall tween the two ceptin thet the Model I uses a 110 V power cord thet comes out the trapdoor, an the Model II gots 12 D cell batries jes inside the trapdoor. Warning: The model I hat the darndest time short'n out iffn the pard put uric acid on the contacts. Thet done causes a long painful moviement an brown stain. Pokes thet shorted out the Model I werent too popular witt thar pards. Now thar be two troubles witt the Model II thet can cause a short. First is iffn the circuits come in contact witt uric acid. Number 2, ya kin cause a short iffn ya put one of the 12 batteries in the wrong way. The xtree amps burns out onna them diodes and sends a high voltage spark ta the end of yur...nevermind. It's all right there in the warning paper thet we got setting stacked in sealed boxes rat hyar on the wharehouse floor. Mama Sage Metal Man, Ah was a'usin Mama Sage's Electrical Underwares (MK II) what deeveloped a SHORT inna groyn area. It DID make me more qwik, tho less accarate. Mama Sage was qwik ta replace muh short drawers wif a pare o' MK I's whut have been MORE than satisfactory. The Mk I's appeer ta be 110volts. Fer a moment the MK II's seemed more lak 20,000 volts. Yers, Sweetwater Jack Mama Sage, MK-1 ..please send one pair of MK-1 Thermo/electric heated underwearing with heated storage compartment for Projecticles. Need the 75' lead cord for 220 V single phase... I would prefere the Red color if you have such. Please ship UPS collect.. Also. MaMa Sage. I, In my quest for sincere answers ,, Do you have any remidays for Saddle sours ? I have developed a rash on my bottom 1/2. I got it from rideing my old Mare "Lucy Goosy" I don,t know if I'm alurgic to the leather, or her hair. I've tryed all kinds of lintaments.to no avail. Hope you can help. M.M. Metal Man, Ya taint alergic ta nuthin tatall. Yur sores are cuz yur southend's taint as tough as yur britches. Ya jes need ta lubricate yur britches. Jes spred a hole jar of petrolum jelly frum the pockets ta the crotch. Iffn ya dont have no petrolum jelly, ya kin use Vicks Vapo Rub. Mama Sage MaMa. I have used Vick-Vapor rub one time on my thingys when I was gaulted..Highly recomend you try something completely different.The Vapors are something else. and my skin became "kind of Numb" My handle orginally was "Numb Nuts". until they fell completely off..then I could sing soprano with the cowboys. and the Boys Venia Choir.. I highly recomend either of the following products got Gaulting and saddle sores. A product call Witch hazel,, Or, corn huskers lotion.works just fine. Brill Cream. is also excellent, But remeber, " A little Dab will do ya" Thanks for the feed back on the electrical underwear..Have you ever considered installing a GFI . (Ground fault interupter) in the underwear just inside the trapdoor. ? Metal Man MM What fun wood thet be? Mama Deere Moma Sage. Youins gives good addvise, but now ah gots me 'nuther problem. Ah've larned thet axin a woman fer her dressin' size is a fine way ta git belted upside th' haid. Ah mean, sheins'll tell ya a size thet she wares, but then ya gotta ax fer what actualy fits her fer real. Thets when ya start seein' more stars thin thet Hubbable teleoscope in outer space an sich. An ya ain't e'in got ta thit see thru minner strainer stuff they wares underneath! Ah gots enuff knots in mah noggin a'ready. Beins as you is a female woman an sich, kin youins tell me whut ta do? SGT. Drydock Sarge, Com mon ov'r ta hyar so's I kin tell yur personal. [Whum! Ow!] Tarnashun Man, aint ya gotta brain in yur head? Whan I sed ta injun up oner I dint mean ta dress Lakoda an swoop down oner like Sittin Bull on Custer. Dang, I think bent ma scattergun. Com mon ov'r hyar. No, I aint gonna whum yur fur bein an idjit. [Whum! Ow!] Thar strait as an arrer. Now hyars the lay of the lan'. Iffn ya git sumthin too small, shees gonna look fat or dumb an she'll whum yur head. Iffn ya git er sumthin too big, sh'll think that ya think she's too fat, an sh'll whum yur head. Ya kin sneek inner clos't, but sizes kin be differ't ov'r a hunnert years, so yer taken yur chances. Best ta go shoppin with onna er friends thet kin reckon er size. One las' word a warnin. Don't take a fren' thats liberal or vegetarin. They miten'd want er ta go a shootin. Mama Sage I wuz gonna ax how ta ax wimminfolk 'bout how many candles ta put on ther burtday cake, but I gots a turrible headache racht now. . . Sgt. Drydock Sgt. Drydock, Jes put one. Iffn it is a heart candl than so much the better. But thet don't make no nevermind iffn ya writ sumthin romantical onna the cake. (I kin garuntee thet iffn ya sticks candles out the side othe the cake yur headacher taint gonna go way nun too soon.) Mama Sage Mama Sage, Balls, do my balls I shoot off in the winter have any effect if it is snowing out ? Or would the snowflakes really have any effect on my scoring. ? What really happens to my balls as they hit the falling snowflakes. ? What luberkant should I use if I'm shooting in the winter months in cold Ohio ? Should I use more or less powder under my balls. ?in the winter. Metal Mania Man. Manic Metal Man, Oh boy, How my gonna tellya thes without gittin indelicate? Mister, iffn you gots em whar the snowflake kin hit em, ya ain't gonna score, so ya ain't gonna need no lubricant. With a heapa trouble ya mighta kin shoot, but either way ya ain't gonna need no powder. My advice is ta furgit the hole thin an git a pair a my Lectrical Underwhar. Dear Mama Sage, Thankee kindly fer EX-changin' that pare o' "Mama Sage's Electrical Underware, Mk II" fer a hartly enny 'tall used pare o' Mark I's. Ah think the elektrickle SHORT is summere's arount the groyne area. Ah kinda' EN-joyed the dancin' ah was doin, an the blue spark-flashes wur purty n'all, but they caused a chain-fire in "Four Toes"(no, better make that TWO Toes NOW) Noonan's, '51 Navy, as ah was a'jerkin' an' dancin' past him. The MK I's are a blessin' now since it's turn't sa cold! Now, as ta' mah Qwestion: How long a' EX-tension cord should ah be a'runnin' from the back o' the Mk I's ta the plug in the wall? Some uv mah pards say the twenty foot cord a'runnin' out the back o' the dropseat is long enough and ah should jist unplug between the shootin'stages. AH feel ah kin gain time by keepin' plugged in and usin' a 200 footer, an just a'paintin' yeller stripes on the black cord so's ah ain't a hazzerd ta' navigation! Ah will humbly abide by yore deecision. SJ Dear Sweetwater Jack, Doncha jes luv thet name? Thet 200 foot wire be jes fine iffn its a number 10 gauge. Iffn its a 12 guage thet thar voltag'll drop ta 102V an.... Whalp, let's jes say that iffn the pards commense a singin Christmas songs bout chessnuts, thet it wuld be 'propriet. Mama Sage, I shewts frontiersman. I wunt ta kno, hows ta git my balls inta the holes wif out shavin em! Virgil Ray Hality, Ya gots ta roll yur balls round in yur mouth furst. Mama Sage V: I dunt kno Mama, that sounds wors than chewin' on tin foil! M: Whalp, thets what them mountain men fellers dun in the '40s. (Guess they dint know bout lead pison an brain damage.) V: Now there ya go Mama! Tha mus be why theys all dead by now! M: The ded ones is ded--but I purdy sure thars a passel of brain damag'd ones a shootin SASS. deeya mama: whut kin a ole cowboy do to soov a lonerly hart? i hed been jista plowin along an havin a great time wiff all my cowboy shootin an dodjin bill collekters. now let me tale ya one thang, thoe them 'used gun' pawn shops take thays bill collektin serious, my bein an ole hand whut had jenerashuns of dodjin trainin frum my forepappys, they is jist outclassed. yep my ole mom outlived all forepappys too, but i digress. bout a yeer ago my lil ole dawg Stanks passed on and done left me all alone in this big ole world. mama, will this heeya empty spot in my great big ole heart ever heel or do i gots ta do sumptin bout it. i have tried approachin several dawgs but most jist end up a bitein me. i met several of dem ladyfokes over at the yeller rose along the way, an a couple wuz purty good pool shooters but in the end, i thanks they all jist tryin to lay claim to my truck camper. i jist dawnt thanks them ladies is gonna ever be true as ole Stanks but i decided to trust yore opinion. what will make me feel best- a cityfied woman, a toofless dawg or a new sixgun???? Dear Georgia Kracker, I could be a mite quick bout it an say thet a citified lady culd make ya feel better (or worser) but yur ol toothless hounddawg 'd be more willin. A six gun kin be fun, but a mite col' an hard ta sleep with. But iffn ya wanna see the ellyfant & git yurself a lady friend I kin set ya down with a few trail mark'rs. 1. Iffn ya emall er. Make sum usa the bigger letters. 2. Don' teller bout how ya needs 3 '97s ta shoot Cowboy. 3. Don' go a braggin bout how ya rigged a coin vibrater ta yur camper bed, an don' teller bout the device thet 'lows ya ta dump yur septic tank onna fly. 4. Don' go tellin' her bout yur ded dawg. She wont feel sorry. Sheel think yur desperate. 5. Taker ta yur shoots. But doncha drag er. Buy her purdy cowgirl outfits. Maker think ya liker more then guns. On recollecshun, ya bes' git the dog or gun. Mama Sage Mama Sage! Whutever kin ah do. Ah boughts mah waf a bran new Colt's .45 revolvin' pistol fer an annyversary presunt! But she got all mad at me fer it. Now ah know she don't do no shootin', but mebbe somday she might'n, an I'll take real good care of it fer her till then. Heck, I'm gettin' it all tuned up fer her, an I'll kep it with mah own jist like it so it don't git lonely 'r nuthin. Ah jist don't unnerstan wimminfolk none a'tall. SGT. Dear Sgt. Dryduck, You pokes alweez get thins assbackwards. Ma boy Sage dun the verysame thin hisownself las year. He done giv is missus a .22 Henry fur is annerversry thinnin thet it would be all romantical iffn sheed jes go a plunkin with im. Whal sir, Sage done growed hisself a new tail thet day. Was is own three-legd stool fer a week. (Thet gun had itself mighty bad smellin smoke fur a piece aswell.) Pokes thin thet iffn a wom'ns gonna shoot she done need a gun, an grows a new tail fer it. Whacha gotta do is let the ideea injun up on em. Git her a fancy-dancy store-bought dress an hat soes thet shees the purdiest wom'n atta shoot. Than teller thet. Than when yur at thet ol shoot, teller agin. Than when she's all teary-eyed pull out yur slicked up Colt. Ya bes be sur its sumthin special, like it has sum gravin a sayn "To the purdyest shooter thes side a Pecos." Than yull have a shootin pard fer life. Mama Sage Ask Mama Sage Yurownself! |